East Saint Johnsbury

The whole family took a trip down the hill to the post office today and so I finally got around to taking some few pictures of our little village, as it is a very pleasant day outside.

Here is the village of East St Johnsbury as seen from our road:



Caitlin and Elinor approaching the bridge across the Moose River:



The village from right across the bridge:



The Moose River, viewed from the bridge:



And our house, yet again, as it seems to have more snow on the roof than any other building around:

Slowly rolling

Well, I did my first vermonty drive. In somewhat snowy/slushy roads, I drove the 75 mile roundtrip from E ST J to Montpelier. Though it worked out fine, I probably wouldn't have made the drive if I had know what most of the roads would be like. As in, I did about 30 mph on the return trip. Nice!

The roads were only bad in the sense of I wanted to drive slower that everyone else. But it all worked out, with no honking and little passing (quite a break from driving 20 mph below the speed limit around Portland). But things are still great here. there is so much snow everywhere that I feel like I'm on Mount Hood. I'm still on "vacation", ad I love our little house and our little road. We also have a nice Christmas Tree (something that I've only come around to in the last 5 years) and I'm actually getting excited about the impending white Christmas. Those holidays seem much better with a wife and child, I tell you.

And I'm getting back into the old swing of things. Watching movies and interneting and all of that... And I did more reading today than I have on any day for a long time.

We have been moving Elinor back and forth between our house and mom's with her little red sled. It's actually quite fun, quick and easy to pull her up and down the road in the snow!

The first night

Well, with Caitlin asleep, Steve on his way back west and Elinor spending the night at the in-laws, I am in my first moments of being "home alone" in Vermont. Time for some slight reflection, some of Beethoven's 9th and a bottle of red wine... While the house is warm and all is covered with snow outside. For these last 6 full days here, it has been quite easy. Of course, I haven't even broached the thought of work, and I have done very little of the driving through this wintry stuff (seemingly, we will be snowed continually for the next 4 or more months, and I did slip and fall twice today) but it has been an easy transition. There are some folks back home who I would like to see, but having Steve here for the first 5 days made the transition easier. And I have met (and re-met) some of Caitlin's friends, which has been good. But the cold doesn't bother me, and it is nice to always have snow outside.

Honestly, I can't believe I live here! being outside of the city on a rural road is like some strange dream come true and there is something very soothing about it. I hope to take some pictures of the village tomorrow (maybe when I trot down to the post office to check the mail, which I haven't done since Monday), as there don't seem to be any online and it is a charming little area. Though I am thinking it would be great to settle in North Danville! Now that's a village! but that's a story for a distant future.

But speaking of places, I had to go into Burlington today (the airport, you know). It was my second time actually in the city and, while it does have some boons of convenience as far as shopping and restaurants go, my overall impression was the same as previously. It isn't Vermont. It is just a standard hip little college town with traffic and hipsters and all of that tiring stuff. Honestly, if this move to Vermont had been to Burlington, we would just as well stayed in Portland. It is nothing like the rest of Vermont and the people seem to be nothing like those in the rest of Vermont. To my eyes, Vermont is endless little villages of a few hundred folks, most of whom have always lived where they live, with little in them aside from a church and maybe a general store. Every twenty or so miles is maybe a town of a couple of thousand people, with some more stuff, a hardware store, maybe a cafe or a Duncan Donuts. And between them? Farms. No pretensions, professional baristas, Starbucks, tattoo parlors, traffic lights, irony, rock bands, nightspots, hipsters or any of that tiring stuff. Just real people, quietly living their lives how and where they always have...

People who bring up Burlington when you mention Vermont are thinking of a much different state than I am. Rolling into Burlington you could be in any small college city in the US. People trying so hard to be interesting is so boring. After living in hip and ironic Portland, the national magnet area for anyone who wants to do something cool... Vermont is such a nice relief. And then Burlington brings it all back again and I want to flee screaming back down route 2 to the Northeast Kingdom again. Sure, maybe my values aren't a perfect match for those of the folks here, but at least the values of the folks here are genuine.

When looking around, I will forget about Burlington, except as some place that I need to go to get folks to/from the airport. East Saint Johnsbury is the village I live in, and St Johnsbury is my town.

Now for some more pictures, that may look just like the last ones. In preparation for our 70 mile drive to Burlington it snowed all night (and all morning), leaving East Village Road a wonderful picture of a winter country road...

Here is the road, from our house in down to the bridge across the Moose River...



And here is a picture of Mom's horse pasture right across the road, something that I never get tired of looking at.

The days of our lives

Yes yes yes. So I have been a bit sparse on the old blog. Once the family left, things became busy busy busy for me in the big preparation to move. But it all got done and packed and went away. I got done with work, packed the car, moved out of the apartment and Steve, Lottie and I set off on our journey. There are very few pictures, as the 6 days that we were on the road were primarily: get up, drive for 8-10 hours, find a motel and watch the weather channel. We had to do maneuvering (some successful, some not) to avoid those nasty wet (and freezing) fronts that were stretching from the south to the north.

We are still trying to contend with the raft of possessions that came across in the trailer, but at least Steve and I moved the last of it out of the trailer today. Now just to find somewhere to put it. I must hesitantly admit to an achievement of being the first person I know who moved across country and actually brought their entire record collection with them. Sadly, a lot of it is still sitting on the front porch in the sub-freezing temperatures getting all humidified... But if it's been like that for almost two weeks anyway, another day won't hurt.

For a brief photo essay on the process...


Day 2... This is Wyoming. Hundreds of miles of this... And nothing else. It was really like driving through the old west, complete with tumbleweeds. But the gas was cheap.


Day 3... This is Steve at a rest stop in Nebraska. Same as above. Though it wasn't quite as desolate and so, strangely enough, it wasn't as charming either


Day 3 and 4... This is Iowa. It is in the running as the worst part of the trip. The first snowstorm, the first problems with being unable to see out the windshield (complete with an emergency trip to Autozone in Altoona to get new wipers), and then snow and ice and endless f'n semi's barraging past us and coating the windshield with waves of slush.

No pictures after this. Day five was nice: Illinois was dull but we took a nice sidetrip in Indiana and drove through a small town (Rushville) that we thought was quite nice.

Day 6? Man. Upstate New York was alright, though the turnpike is a big scam, but as soon as I turned the wheel over to Steve it was rain, rain and more rain. Then Massachusetts had way too much rain and then, trying to get it all done in Vermont that night, with snow and ice and darkness and at times no one on I-91 but us (well, and the occasional evil trucker out to kill us), it was a terrific relief to get home.


Home. This is the new pad, the first morning we were there. It had snowed the whole night before.


This is my in-law's house across the street (and our ugly trailer... but it brought everything across basically intact).


Here is our little 2003 Focus. This car performed fantastically on the trip: Rain, loose snow, packed snow, wind, sleet, driving as much as twelve hours a day... none of it caused her any issues. She covered 3350 miles in 6 days without a single issue, and managed almost 32 mpg. And no sliding either (which hopefully had something to do with the terribly expensive Nokian Hakkapeliitta tires that I had put on right before the trip).


Here are Steve and Elinor watching a movie (I think The Emperor's new Groove) in our new living room. The house was perfect and cozy when we arrived... I have the best wife ever.


And a final view, Finally Elinor has her own, full-on room. This is a view of it featuring both her wonderful crib, and the crib for her babies!

Though I am not thinking about looking for work, currently. I love being here! I spent a lot of time outside today (I doubt it got above ten), and it is snowy, sunny, the roads are kept clear. All you have to do is bundle up and it is quite delightful. After 5 years of talking about moving here, it is a great relief to have it done. I just need to figure out how to maintain those dear relationships back in Portland from afar...

Oh, what a night...

It's 10pm on Saturday night. That means 11 and a half days since the family flew away (and probably at least as many more until I see them again), it also means 36 hours until the movers arrive to pack it all away. This is the moment I've been dreading for years, getting all of this "stuff" bundled up and out across the country. My preferred means of moving is to do it all myself in many, many car trips over a period of time. Having to prepare everything all at once for other people to move and then, once they're gone to have that be it with no second thoughts? Well...

It all seems like too much preperation for me. I got down to the annoying stuff to pack and then this evening my sister Jennifer spent hours helping me box and package stuff up... Until we ran out of boxes. That help was a great relief. And I think it puts me in a reasonably good position for tomorrow which is the day that everything needs to be done.

Sadly, I think there will be much more stuff to be moved than I had anticipated and I need to thoroughly size up what is left and get boxes for it... Then once it's done. I still have 5 days here in which I won't have a computer or a stereo or a phone or anything. That will be an interesting week.

Breakfast of Champion's!

Yep... Thank you, Shepard's! It actually was quite tasty. The one true Voodoo Donut.


I wonder what's for dinner?

Honestly, I do keep thinking that I need to eat some kind of greenery... But it's just not my way. The family is still gone and it just gets weirder feeling without them. As one would expect, my dietary ways are falling victim to it. At least I'm doing better than Lottie who is not pleased with the change of events: being alone all day, her girls being gone. She woke my up at five this morning with a terrible mournful howling. The poor girl.

In more relevant things, I have packed I think about 6 boxes. Sometimes I think I'm not going to get anywhere, but then sometimes I think that it is just that the furniture all still being around will make it seem unpacked. Who knows. Tonight and tomorrow I plan on doing some serious packing and, tomorrow especially, I need to make the storage space all ready for the movers. It will be nice to get that out of the way. Though the thought of trying to move all of the records back to the apartment so that I can sort through them is a bit overwhelming... Sorting them in the hallway of the storage place sound worse...

one foot after another

I have two re4asons for not posting. One is that this whole thing has been somewhat mentally overwelming, and I've been ignoring it at the same time. Blended with the reality that, aside from giving notice at work, I haven't done anything towards the move yet... Except for worry.

Now though? The family flew out this morning and are currently enjoying the below-freezingness of Vermont. I am about an hour into being home in this new situation and have my work cut out for me. Hopefully I can start doing some of it. I have 12 days to prepare for the magic move, and I can't quite tell if that seems like plenty of time, or no time at all.

Quiet days

I know, I haven't posted in a while, and the last post was a bit of a downer. Well, it's probably because I haven't done anything yet. I haven't given notice (at work or the apartment), looked for work, packed anything or made concrete moving plans.

Caitlin not only has given notice and has a week left of work, but also has her tickets! So I have some catching up to do... But, I have sent some feelers out for the moving, surfed around a bit to get a sense of the job situation (ek!) and Steve put in for his time off for the trip! So I think that next week will be the one to accomplish (or at least proceed with) the above steps.

That's all good! Yesterday I was feeling pretty good about the moving to Vermont, so I hope to expand on that with a more upbeat "Good things abut moving to the Kingdom" post, sometime soon. Though it is brief and not frequently updated, I did enjoy reading this blog, Our Vermont Travelblog, in which some folks are documenting their progress in visiting the 251 towns of Vermont. They even have a picture of the General Store that Caitlin grew up in, so that's fun!

Well... Ignoring October 11th's post for a minute...

It's been a social weekend, with basically 5 "social moments" involving (basically) my 6 closest friends... I'm not the most social being, and I don't have a lot of friends, but I do value the ones I have, a number of whom I've had for a long time. They're good people, in fact, my pal Steve has even agreed to drive across with me! That's a great relief, though bringing someone else in on it also serves to brings things somewhat closer to home.

All of these pleasantries coming on the heels of my "drunken book club" a week ago, and it is all starting to sink in. I am a big proponent of "the best way to deal with change is to not think about it until it's done" but I am starting to fear that for the next two months (less!) I will probably fail at not thinking about it. No matter how much over the years I have grown dislike for how much this enviroment has changed in the last 15 years, it is still the only environment I've known and there is a lot that I like about it here, all my little places, sights and my history. And except for JDR, all of my people are still right here. It is eerie to think about going away from it all for good. And I'm not trying to be melodramatic, but I won't be coming back to visit much.

Coupled with my incessent fear of the below-zero winters in my future and the reality (no, I'm not just being negative) of how much more, well... "not easy" my worktime is going to become, and it is striking me that something is going to have to change about me in the near future to make this a positive change in the short run. Now, I do realize that personal change is generally a good thing. But as one of those friends recently said about themselves "I feel like a high-schooler who hasn't quite yet decided what to do with his life". Well, I can relate to that in some ways. Forty years on and I must admit that my life has been very, very easy and generally quite simple... And in a number of ways some things here are starting to come together for us, so preparing to leave (well, I haven't yet done any preparing, but still) gives me lots of stuff to fill my mind with. And the thought of personal change, even if it is for the better, is a great well of insecurity to flounder in.

It is somewhat schizophrenic right now, my rapid back and forth of: fears, regrets, excitement and relief. I am somewhat feeling at a loss for words, and somewhat of a loss for feelings. but then again, right now this whole post is seemingly like I'm blowing everything out of proportion. I need to post it now, before I delete it.

Not winter yet

But my own misgivings and those other have expressed to me as the word of this venture spreads do have me questioning my solo cross-country drive in December. While in my idealism it seems unlikely that any of the interstate is left unmaintained in the winter, and also that December is too early to have to worry abut conditions in the Rockies and the Midwest... To some extent, I feel like those might not be true. Maybe is is somewhat treacherous to do this drive at the time of year that I have it planned. Well, I'll have to, regardless, as I'm not going down to Arizona and New Mexico! Maybe Utah will work?

On the brighter side, I just found out that a distant co-worker has a blog of Portland area history (Cafe Unknown)! I've looked though it a little and it's great (while I am dismissive of Portland current condition, I am thoroughly interested in Portland's past), even starting off with a post about Astoria! One of my all-time favorite places. This makes me wonder if there are any such blogs in the Northeast Kingdom? It seems like such a great idea for a blog, maybe there needs to be one?

Speaking of The Kingdom, while browsing around again this evening, I went and re looked at National Geographic's positive (yet brief) coverage of my soon-to-be home St. Johnsbury (which they named one of the 6 best small towns to live and work in the USA). The article is nice and positive, though reading it doesn't really remind me of St Johnsbury. Regardless, I know that I have a lot to learn about that place, and I think it will be fun to look things up and figure things out about the area!

Kicking around on a piece of ground in your hometown.

So last night we were watching OPB and of course, in their ad's for their shows they show all sorts of outdoor scenes of Oregon. Now the infamous "last time" that I got a chance to move away from here, that was certainly one of the great crutches that I used to convince myself to put up a stink. Now don't get me wrong, I'm no outdoorsman. I do enjoy being outdoors, but mainly just walking or light hiking around casually. For my purposes, Portland is in basically the ideal spot. The columbia River Gorge (one of the best places on earth) basically starts at the end of town, to the east are the dramatic volcanos of the Cascades and to the west? The pleasing Coast Range and behind those? The finest coast in the world and then the grand Pacific Ocean! I've always lived in this little spot (as you have no doubt heard by now) and I rather take it all for granted. But sometimes I feel like not having the Gorge, Mount Hood, Seaside, Cannon Beach and Astoria all within about an hours drive will be somewhat strange.

Again though, I think I am just projecting again. I have been looking at and visiting this stuff for decades, but they can't be the only good spots that there are. I'm sure that there are plenty of pleasing vistas in Vermont, and I've always really enjoyed all of the rocks there. The rocks in the fields, the rocks along the highway (those seem a bit odd now, after one of those Vermont highway rocks killed my cousin earlier this year), the little old rock walls...

Plus, I love the little vilages and churches and old farms. Change is good for the soul (or whatever) and friends keep reminding me that I've been talking about moving away for at least 16 years now.

The motherland

Well, so far the reactions of those few people I've told about the relocation have been positive and supportive, which is nice. I still have to tell work, but that will come Tuesday. My mother was quite positive, and now she has it in her mind that I should take her with me when I drive out there. Well, sure. It sounds reasonable, but I just don't want to.

Honestly, as long as other people aren't involved, or any issues of importance, we actually get along pretty well. And it would be nice, I imagine, to have some company... But more to the point is that I want to have some feeling of a clean break in my mind, like I'm heading away alone (well, with the dog) and leaving it all behind to start a new phase for the rest of my life. And really, I don't know if that is how I would feel if I was just chatting with my Ma on the trip. She is paranoid because I have had some, well, drowsiness issues while driving. And since she was with me for two of them (both were 15 years back, in my first year as a driver) she can't quite get it out of her head. Well, she is my mother, after all. I remind her of that time that I drove 3000+ miles in four weeks driving all around the country, but that doesn't ease her mind.

In the meantime, we have received some photos of the interior of the little house that we'll be renting, and found out the price... It's not that much, but with how much I worry about finances, even thinking of monthly expenses and contrasting what I make now with what I am guessing I might make there... Well, it does make me a bit nervous.

The thing to remember, is that we are doing this to have a change of lifestyle, one that involves more nature, family, community and personal sense of productivity. And that any sacrifices in the beginning will be well worth it, and quite possibly forgotten.

How time flies...

Somehow, I missed another day! Now I'll never get to 31. Caitlin has, of course, been doing a better job at keeping up. And now that we are getting ready to move away from here, things are starting to go a bit better for her. I guess it's better to move away feeling somewhat positive about this place, but it is starting to seem a bit weird how a bunch of things are all starting to come together right now.

Speaking of that, I finally finished our taxes today! I can send them out tomorrow, with 6 whole days to spare! And the potentially positive news that Caitlin alluded to has already helped ease our minds, though it is still just a potenial. We'll see. I know that one shouldn't count ones eggs before they have hatched, being with no eggs in our basket for so long makes it somewhat irresistible.

Anyway, all of this should hopefully set things up so we won't have to worry too much about leftover bills and moving expenses. Which is a great relief for me. Though I have all sorts of issues around this move (as you may have noticed), under my calm demonor, I am feeling all worked up over the psysical aspect of moving. Though I've moved something like 9 times in the last 8 years (what?!), I really don't like it. Especially since I am an impatient packer, I hate (or refuse) to drive a moving van, and I can't stand to part with things. Though I have secretly sworn to get rid of a quarter of my LP's! Aiyee!

Home, sweet home

Alrighty! Mom sent out some picture of the outside of the little house that we shall be moving into soon... It's a cute little thing, that should be just the right size for the three of us. Plus it's right across the street from the in-law's, which will be very handy!



And of course, a picture of the backyard. I don't think that we can even express the relief that there will be in finally having a backyard! The baby really enjoys being outside and it's really not ideal living in an apartment!

Today is the day

We bought the family their plane tickets to Vermont today. That kind of made our nerves all a jitter... A bit of the "What are we doing?". Yeah, for both of us. Aside from my issues of leaving the only place I've ever lived (and that my parents have ever lived, for that matter) there are also the other aspects. We both really enjoy our jobs situations and our employer and the security that comes with that. Plus, while we don't have many friends (especially that we see with much frequency) we do quite value the ones that we do have. Due to the suddenness of this decision, we will be missing some exciting changes for some of them that we have been looking forward to. That will be tough and I think we'll be feeling that today, as now is when the work really starts to come to terms with this move. Of course, Caitlin is at work today so that will give her things to ponder, but E and I have the day off so I feel like we will really, really need to fill some of the time with a social call...

Though I am still feeling a bit reluctant to spread the news to my fellows.

Okay, not everyday.

Yes, I've failed in the 31 for 21 so far, not having posted anything yesterday! But there are strange things afoot. It was decided to scoot this thing forward, as we aren't really waiting on anything here. C and E will be flying back to VT when Mom goes back in the middle of November and I will stay here, spending the next month trying to get rid of things, pack things, and sent things out!

Then off I will go, ideally getting there before christmas! We have the house across the street from Mom's (in East St. Johnsbury) lined up for Jan 1st.

So yes, it's a go! I'm fine with the reality, now it's just time to get "the stuff moved" and deal with the "find work" angle. Maybe it will be so annoying that I'll just leave it all on the roadside. Maybe I'll muster the drive to get it packed in some truck for someone to drive out? Who knows. Regardless... I will also be driving cross-country by myself (well, probably with the dog) in December. That will be bound to be interesting. We certainly need to get the stereo in the car working again!

Shooting ducks

Yes, today was actually pretty good. No problem with work or getting to/from for either of us, and issues with babysitting... Then came the evening. It is abundantly clear for/to both of us that something needs to change. And short of suddenly finding a pleasing home, peace of mind and some more fulfilling social realities (not holding our breath), that something has to be relocation and hoping for the best!

Missing my chance to move back east in 2003 and dragging the (now) wife out here is easily the biggest regret that I have in my life and though that can never be repaired, we are both certainly ready to move on and try to recover from the awkward feeling that those days, and the intervening ones, have caused us. Of course I have the standard fears and insecurities one might expect from someone who has lived all 40 of their years within a 3 mile radius.. And I am weighed down by a voluminous amount of personal possessions that I have the hardest time parting with...

I had one of those, "damn the torpedoes" evenings where I felt that as soon as we get our tax return (no, we haven't filed yet... If that gives any indication of our states of mind), we need to pack and flee, regardless of anything else. The wife would be better off, the baby would most certainly be better off, I would probably be better off... We couldn't be any worse off.

So she went out for beer, I'm drinking champagne (which I've never liked) and here's to hoping that I find some way to magically either part with possessions of get them moved.

October, the First

The question is, can I successfully participate in Unringing the Bell's 31 for 21 challenge this year? I tried last year, and while I think I managed 31 posts, I did not manage to post everyday. This year my blogging is so sporadic that it seems well nigh impossible, but I may as well start.

For those that don't know, the purpose is to blog everyday in October (31) towards the goal of raising awareness of Down's Syndrome (a.k.a. Trisomy 21)... Because, as Tricia says: "... there is still a long way to go. So much more to tell, so many more “We’re more alike than different”’s to shout from the rooftops.". And she should know, as her wonderful daughter Georgia, who I have sadly only met once (due to our misfortune of being on the west coast), has Down's Syndrome. And honestly, before I met them, I knew absolutely nothing about it. So count me as one who is more in the know!

Today? Here? Us? Oregon? Though? Today was a terrible feeling day. From my mother showing up 35 minutes late to watch the baby, to just feeling dismally about finances with this trouble with our "ex"-business... Well, it was a downer. If I could have afforded beer I would have got some, instead we only have, somewhat ironically, lots of champagne.

The thing that troubles me, and this has not completely do to with living in Portland, is that how can we be in this position where we (while not rich we do certainly make above the median income) have to choose between paying the utilities and buying the groceries we need? Sometimes it feels like it is all some strange dream and that maybe soon we'll be back to normal. But then, the wife has felt that about everything for the last five years.

Yes, we may be just as troubled in Vermont, but it just feels like even that would feel better than this. I imagine that, per usual, tomorrow I will feel much better about things, but then that will just increase the desire to get to Vermont and finally begin our real life!

The days go by

The feelings of dread and mild panic that lay within the last post, of course mellowed in a day or two, but the song remains the same. We made a timeline (May 31st, when our lease ends) and we just have to spend the intervening months getting our ducks in a row!

I sent the wife some pictures from our last trip to Vermont, but I don't think it cheered her up any. Just a bit too ready to go!

Church in Barnet

Ah, Barnet.

The view from the front porch of the house.

And the baby, relaxing.

The first step, following a thousand

This journey waxes and wanes, being always in progress yet never having started. Even without having taken a step down that slippery slope, there are moments when you feel that you are about to tumble head over heels to whatever lay before you. This was one of those nights.

You see, we are destined to move to Vermont. Many times we have thought otherwise, as though there were different places there we might end up, or other places we might go... Or maybe even stay here. But it is all a sham. Vermont is where the winds will take us, once we stop pretending that there is some other path for us.

See, I live in a city in Oregon (some might say the only city in Oregon, and some might say that there are no cities in Oregon), and I've never lived anywhere else. Aside from it getting too hot in the summer, I've always liked it here. Well, when all sorts of people started coming here from all over (about 15 years ago), I started liking it less, but the lessening hadn't really taken hold yet, 5 years ago when I convinced a girl to move here from Brooklyn. She didn't want to, and she wishes that she didn't, and I wish that I hadn't stayed. I don't like it here anymore, and things haven't gone well. After being involved in a stifling and ruin-inspiring small business here for four years, we finally sold it 7 months ago and were free to try and put things back together, and start our thoughts of moving east. The sale was an awkward plan, where they paid us a little bit monthly and then a (too small) lump sum at the end. Well, the end has maybe come, without coming. We heard today that they may default on paying. So what now? Just be ruined and get out of here is what we are thinking... But there are so many loose-ends to tie up in a thing like this, all of which take time and money that we don't have.. and then there is the reality of what to do about this default?

I don't know. So I thought I'd start another blog to help myself ponder it through, so here goes Orygone, the blog of getting gone from Oregon.